When you are feeling grief because you lost a loved one, or when you are in a fit of rage because your best friend verbally stabbed you in the back, it might seem impossible to turn those upset feelings into love feelings. And it does take practice, but I can attest from experience that it is possible.

When I divorced, my ex found an apartment where children were not allowed. And since we had two sons, ages 11 &13, I felt it important for them to spend time with their dad. Needless to say, I was very angry about his housing decision. The last straw was having my anger spill over into other relationships.

Thankfully, my friends were very understanding about my anger, but I wasn’t enjoying their company as much as I used to. Finally, I got so tired of my anger that I wanted it gone. I realized it was taking up space where love feelings could reside. Love had been diminished within me.

So I set out to fill that anger space with something more heartful. I didn’t try to approve of my ex’s choice of housing. I couldn’t make choices for him. However, I could make choices for me. And, I chose to feel more comfort around how I “housed” my sons.

A bigger feeling test than the anger/comfort test came when my second husband died. He was my very best friend. We played and worked together daily. I was so filled with grief I truly believed it might consume me. Copious tears certainly didn’t change things. Nor did continual reminiscing. But finally, I realized that of the many energies we shared, the biggest was play. Loving this energy became my focus.

To fill the space of grief with a love of play, I began to find games I could share with others and I found comedians online—one lady my age I particularly liked. But most of all I began to appreciate my own playfulness. I found new expressions for being playful with friends and even with myself. It took a while but now I can truly love play, past and present. Of course, I will always miss Rodney. But I can now love what we shared rather than grieve it.

So if you have a reoccurring upset feeling that is taking up love space within you, try finding new ways to express that energy. Love will be your reward!