The Good the Bad and the Ugly was a Clint Eastwood movie. I remember nothing about it except the title (sorry Clint). But that title certainly applies to some of our life experiences. At those bad and ugly times when our emotions go a little crazy, we totally forget there ever was the good side.

This may be because many people register emotional pain more strongly than they do the good side of emotions. A good belly laugh is over in a minute while the pain of loss can go on for months and years. So how can we find balance?

This example is my own. My husband died. He was a partner in many areas: work, play, friendship, and household tasks. So when he left, I felt the bad and the ugly feelings were going to overtake me. But I refused to stay on the unhappy side of my emotions and make myself and everyone around me miserable. But neither did I desire to pretend to feel okay for their sake.

So, I entered the “good” side in the following way. I intentionally started feeling the emotional gifts others were bringing me. It was more than just appreciating their sympathy and support. It was about actually feeling the love and care their heart was bringing. This took a bit of practice, but it worked.  My friends unknowingly pulled my feelings from the bad and ugly over to the good.

The lesson in feeling resonance was not entirely new. I had felt happiness and sadness with people before, but this was different. Feeling what another person is feeling is usually called compassion. This is not the same thing. If I had joined their feeling, I would have only collected sympathy and their piece of sadness. But that isn’t what I did. I took their love and their care into my emotions.

Thus, by letting my feelings resonate with the heart gifts of those around me, I was able to emotionally upgrade. This practice requires using your feelings in a new way, so be prepared to try it when feeling only slightly bad and ugly. You will be surprised at the transformative value. This new tool will help you make the good a choice rather than a happenstance.