In my book, Soulmate or Cell Mate, I talk about how a love relationship is created. Basically, all that is required is for two people to put definitions in place as to how they can equally share the heart qualities they have in common. That allows you to honor the love that you have to share. And at the same time, it keeps the judgments about what you don’t have to share at bay.

For instance, my husband and I shared play, service, and growth really well. Those were big energies for both of us and we were totally committed to sharing them with each other. However, I had a much bigger quality of stewardship than he had, and he had a much bigger quality of beauty than I had. We had to keep those in our separate spaces or conflict would arise.

Of course, people frequently want those they are in a relationship with to share all of their big qualities. But since we each are uniquely constructed, we have specialized love packages. And while no one would be happy in a relationship with their clone, we sometimes ask that of others. One way I found to solve this need to have someone share all of my qualities in equal measure was to separate the relationship space from the individual spaces.

Just as everyone needs to own their own space, so does the relationship need its own space. The trick is being content with having and honoring three different spaces—yours, theirs, and ours.

So if I were to summarize how to build a model for fulfilling relationships, I would say to start by identifying the heart qualities that make up who you are. The next part is being content with what the other person has and is willing to share from their love storehouse.

Approaching relationship in this way means that no one is expected to bring what they don’t love or what they are unwilling to share. Love that is shared from this relationship paradigm is real and freely given. This does away with unrealistic demands and belittling for what is not available.

Recently I was in a yoga class where our relationship definition was health. It was defined that all sizes of health were welcomed. It is a powerful experience to be in relationship sharing with those people. To receive the love shared in a defined relationship space means you have to listen with your heart. Yes, love’s expression can be mentally defined. But the sharing is a heart experience.